母乳的好
某一所醫學院的學生在考期中考...
考試題目：「母乳為什麼比牛乳好？」
此學生的答案：
（１）不必沖泡，節省時間。
（２）溫度適中，不怕燙到小孩。
（３）保存方便，不怕被貓偷吃。
（４）容器美觀、大方。
（５）食用前不需搖晃。
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咳嗽
患者：「大夫，我咳嗽得很重。」
大夫：「你多大年記？」
患者：「七十五歲。」
大夫：「二十歲咳嗽嗎？」
患者：「不咳嗽。」
大夫：「四十歲時咳嗽嗎？」
患者：「也不咳嗽。」
大夫：「那現在不咳嗽，還要等到什么時咳嗽？」
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不痛
某甲到醫院做健康檢查，護士拿了針要替他抽血，
某甲看著閃閃發亮的的針頭忍不住問：「會不會痛啊？？我怕痛．．」
護士說：「放心好了，我做了二十幾年的護士．．」
某甲說：「太好了，我放心了！」
然後護士一針扎下，只聽到某甲殺豬般的一聲慘叫．．
護士才緩緩接道：「沒有一次不痛的．．」
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On Your Bill
A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick." The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill." The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"
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Poetry
A young lad starts work in a pharmacy. The owner is explaining the rudiments of the job to the youth... "When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them." The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this, so the pharmacist says that he should observe when the next customer comes in and watch how he or she is dealt with. Presently a middle aged woman comes in to the shop and asks for something for a tummy bug. The pharmacist says, "There's a lot of that virus going about, but this pink mixture should sort you out!" "Oh thank you very much!" says the middle aged woman and she leaves the shop. So the pharmacist says the youth can serve the next customer while he goes to tea break, "And remember to put some poetry into it" he says. Anyway, the youth waits around and nobody comes in, so he decides to go to the restroom. Just as he's about to nip off, a young teenage girl comes in. "Can I help you?" he asks. She replies very embarrassedly that she would like to buy some sanitary towels, to which the youth replies : "Hang on Miss, I'm dying for a piss, but I'll be back in a flash, with a sash for your gash!"
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Flow
A woman walks into the local pharmacy as ask to see sanitary napkins. The pharmacist replies, "We have mini-pads and maxi-pads, which do you prefer?" The woman asks, "What's the difference?" Pharmacist replies, "It depends on what you flow is like!" Woman replies, "My flo? My flo is linoleum!"
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Make it 100
A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, "I'd like 99 condoms please." With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Condoms!?! love me!" to which the guy replies, "Make it 100."
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Sexually Active?
While assisting in an exam on a young women who was presented to the ER with lower abdominal pains, the doctor asked her if she were sexually active. The young woman appeared slightly embarrassed by the question, but replied, "No, I just lay there."
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Ambulance
The doctor began his examination of an Elderly man by asking him what brought him to the hospital.
The man replied, "An ambulance."
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Heaven or Hell?
(well, it is not a medical joke, but it is about miscommunication!) A software engineer met his end and found himself at the Pearly Gates. The Gatekeeper greeted him and tallied the score. "Your record is pretty good, Mr. Programmer. Your sins and your good deeds just about balance out. Tell you what - you may have your own choice of either Heaven or Hell." The engineer, weary of design tradeoffs and wary of uninformed decisions, asked for more details. "Sure," replied the Gatekeeper. Here is the elevator. You can ride up and see Heaven and down to see Hell. Take your time and make your choice. But choose wisely, there is no turning back!" So the engineer rode the elevator up and took a look at Heaven. He saw the angels playing on their harps and the beatific look on the faces of the faithful, blissfully flitting back and forth among the clouds. "Well, that looks about like what I expected," he said to himself. "Let's go take a look at the alternative." So he rode down the elevator to the floor labelled "HELL" and looked around there. To his delight he found sandy beaches, beautiful women, snow-capped mountains in the background, and parties going on all over. Returning to the Gates, he had no problem informing the Gatekeeper of his decision. "Heaven looks fine, but pretty boring to me. Hell is what I have always dreamed of! Let me in." The Gatekeeper handed him an entry pass and the engineer went back down the elevator to take his place in Hell. But to his surprise, the sun had gone out, the snow had melted and the parties were over. There was fire and brimstone, snakepits swarming with vipers, fiends torturing sinners, and devils tormenting babies. "Wait!" he cried as two monsters hauled him off to the chambers of eternal agony. "What happened to the beach parties, fun and sunshine I saw before?" "Oh," replied the Devil. "That was just the demo."
........ and the moral of the story is: with a good marketing department, you can sell anything.
DEMO版
Bill 剛剛在一場意外中喪生。他的靈魂來到聖彼得面前。
聖彼得把他上下打量了一番。「Bill，我很為難。你的微軟公司為人類科技帶來長足進步，但同時你也給了我們視窗九五。我想我還是讓你自己選擇要上天堂還是下地獄。」
「聽來合情合埋，」蓋茲答道，「我能不能先看看地獄是什麼樣子?」
「沒問題!」 聖彼得帶他來到一個陽光普照、風光明媚的海灘，
灘上美女如雲，美食成山，氣候宜人。
「如果地獄已經是這樣，」蓋茲驚呼，「我要看看天堂。」
於是聖彼得帶著Bill穿越層層疊疊的白雲，
但見手抱金色豎琴的天使在雲間穿梭，仙樂飄飄，一片祥和。
「恩!」蓋茲暗忖，「這也不錯，但我想比較喜歡地獄。」
兩星期後，聖彼得到地獄探望蓋茲，看到他被用鐵鍊拴在牆上，
腳下是噬人的烈焰，周圍站滿了手執各式刑具，疵牙咧嘴的魔鬼。
「聖彼得!」蓋茲看到他連忙大喊， 「這裡太恐怖了!根本不像上次看到的那個地方。
那個美麗的海灘，還有那些美女、美食都到哪去了?」
「哦，那個啊，」聖彼得答道，「那只是Demo版。」
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You're on Drugs
What happens when you are sitting on your bottle of aspirin?
You're on drugs!
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Hysteria
Pharmacy assistant to pharmacist: "This gentleman wants information on hysteria."
As it turn out, he needs info on Listeria.
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In a hurry
A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
