補充
Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife have a row over breakfast. "And you're crap in bed," shouts the husband, storming out to the car.
When he gets a lull in his work at the surgery, he decides to phone home and make up with her.
The phone rings for a long time before it is answered.
"What were you doing?" he asks.
"I'm was in bed," she replies. "Getting a second opinion."
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The Difference Between MD's and PhD's
4 MDs and 4 PhDs are going to a meeting by train. The 4 MDs each have their own ticket, but the 4 PhDs (who have little money, of course) have 1 ticket among them.
The MDs ask the PhDs (in a caring manner), "How are you going to manage with just one ticket between the ten of you? "Just watch," reply the PhDs.
They all get on the train and the 4 MDs take their seats and hand their tickets to the conductor. But the PhDs all pile into a bathroom, and when the conductor comes by, a single arm reaches out and gives him the ticket.
The MDs, feeling enlightened, decide to try the same thing on the way home, so they purchase just one ticket among ten of them. The PhDs buy no ticket at all.
"How are you going to get home?" ask the MDs.
"Just watch." the PhDs reply.
When they get on the train, all the MDs pile into a bathroom. 3 of PhDs get into another bathroom. The fourth Ph.D. then knocks on the MDs' bathroom door and says "Ticket please."
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Some Doctors' Jokes
Mrs Smith: `Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!' Doctor: `Don't panic - he'll be alright'. Mrs Smith: `But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!
Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) `Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: `Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.
Doctor: `Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?' Tom: `Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!'
`Congratulations, Mr Brown - you're in great shape for a man of sixty. Pity you're only forty.'.
`Operator, operator - call me an ambulance!!!'. `Okay, Sir - you're an ambulance!'.
Mavis: `My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.' Doctor: `Oh, really?' Mavis: `Yes - she tries to prevent me from making her take it!'
John: `How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?' Doctor: `Cut your head off'.
Prisoner: `Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!' Doctor: `I am - bit by bit'.
Hypnotist: `Okay, Mr Henry, when I say "wake up" you will no longer be shy but full of confidence and be able to speak your mind ... Wake up!' Patient: `Right, you! How about giving me a refund, you money-grabbing old skinflint!'
Tom: `What's good for excessive wind, doctor?' Doctor: `A kite!'
`Do you find it difficult passing water, Mr Sozzle?' `No, doctor. But I do find it hard to pass a pub!'
Bill: `My wife beats me, doctor'. Doctor: `Oh dear. How often?" Bill: `Everytime we play Scrabble!'.
Liz: `I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!' Doctor: `Never mind, you'll pass eventually'. Liz: `But I'm the examiner!'
Trish: `My tummy is getting awfully big, doctor'. Doctor: `You should diet'. Trish: `Really? What colour?'
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A Doctor and A Vet
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
"Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
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最后的話
一位病重的老人即將死去,醫生認為已經不需要再隱瞞他的病情了, 便在巡房後來到老人的病床旁。
"你的病已經很嚴重了,"醫生告訴他,"我相信你必然想知道事實, 現在,你還想見什麼人嗎?"
虛弱的老人點了點頭,"是的",他用幾乎聽不見的聲音說:
"我想看另一位醫生"。
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Good News and Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
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Gynos making merry !!
A mother and her daughter are at the gynecologist's office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter. "She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her," the mother said. The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant." The mother gasped, "That's nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don't, do you, dear?" "No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!" The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?" "No, Madam," said the doctor. "It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
